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Monday, May 27, 2024
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St Kilda

Dick-shit dead-heads Bash Penguin to Death By Pollyanna Penguin

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“Sadly after the bashing death of my mate St Kilda has made it to the top of the shit list” was the only comment from the grieving partner of our recently deceased female penguin. To protect their privacy I can not name or disclose any more details, only to say the new St Kilda Pier Development, inclusive of greater protections for the colony, has been welcomed by the Penguin Community still coming to terms with the savage attack.

A spokesperson for the family went on to say,

“Coming top of the list is an honour they would rather not have. We chose this spot because of the location; close to the city and some of the best seafood restaurants the bay has to offer. We feel so cheated but hopefully, the new protections for our Colony will go a long way towards fixing our grievances. We love entertaining our visitors and have contributed much to the local economy, to say I am shitty is an understatement.”

The Colony has invested much in their real estate boasting some of the best views of Melbourne. This is their home and they have the right to feel safe.

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